Custom sweatpants and promotional pajamas make television historyThe four Writer Dudes huddled around the table, its surface strewn with crushed cans of Mountain Dew and spilled bags of Cheetos, and stared at the script they’d been hired to doctor. They were working on the pilot for “Seinfeld,” and something just wasn’t ringing true. It was the scene where George is wearing personalized lounge pants.
“Again with the sweatpants?” Jerry asks.
“What? I’m comfortable,” George says.
The writers shook their heads, in full agreement about what they didn’t like about the scene. It was Jerry’s next bit of dialogue: "You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
No, that wasn’t right. A man, a good man, could wear sweatpants. Heck, he could walk out the door in custom pajamas and still send the message that he was a go-getter. Not only that, but if he had a company’s name or logo printed on those personalized lounge pants, he’d also help market a brand and a business every time he slipped on those soft, beautiful anti-trousers.
“I mean, has Jerry ever touched a pair of 9 ½-ounce, 50-50 cotton/poly NuBlend, preshrunk, pill-resistant fleece pants with a front and back rise differential and side-entry pockets, as well as double needle-covered elastic waistband with a drawcord?” said Writer Dude #1.
Writer Dude #2 scoffed. “Pfft. I’m sure he’s never worn custom wind pants, which provide lightweight protection, relaxed styling, and an elastic drawcord waist that ensures a comfortable fit.”
A hand was raised. It was Writer Dude #3. Always Writer Dude #3. “But guys, he’s probably worn a customized V.I.P. cotton pant, which gives you a leg up on comfort and feature a satin tie and two-button false fly.”
“No,” said Writer Dude #4. “Impossible. If he’d worn those he’d never have written that line, attacking the sanctity of the sweatpants.”
They heaved a collective sigh, and then Writer Dude #1 scratched out the last few lines of dialogue, replacing them with: “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these custom pajamas? That you are a man who understands the power of comfort, a man who is confident about his manhood and doesn’t need to restrain it in an uncomfortable pair of chinos. And that logo there, on those personalized lounge pants? It looks amazing. I think I’m going to buy something from that very company. You’ve inspired me.”
The four writer dudes looked at each other and smiled, sure that they’d made a great edit. Then they sent the script to the head writer. Who immediately returned the lines to their original form and fired the four men. Still, even as they were escorted out the door by security, they smiled and held their heads high. Because they were wearing sweatpants. And they felt great.