Custom beach balls might be dangerous to girl group singersHart Hartley, anchor of Channel 67 News: Coverage You Can Kinda Count On, shuffled a few papers on his desk, then began his broadcast.
"Tonight: The local school board election heats up. We talk to the HVAC guy who handles the auditorium's temperature. And don't eat at this local restaurant unless you want to die a slow, painful, foaming death. Which restaurant is it? We'll tell you tomorrow. Now, over to Lance Lanceley, live at the scene of a terrible accident involving promotional beach balls. It happened last night. So really, he's just standing outside the concert venue by himself in the dark. But anyway, over to you, Lance."
"Thanks, Hart. I'm standing outside Atlanta's Chastain Park Amphitheatre, where last night the girl-group Fifth Harmony played whatever it is they play," Lancely said, then held a finger to his earpiece. "Breaking news: I'm told that if I don't start doing some research before my broadcasts I'm going to be fired."
"So what happened, Lance?" Hartley asked.
"As is often the case at concerts, or so I hear, the kids were tossing around custom beach balls. They were really into those custom printed beach balls. Like, when they weren't looking at their phones they were looking at these promotional beach balls. Anyway — one of the custom beach balls hit Fifth Harmony member Camila Cabello in the face."
Hartley gasped. "Oh, the humanity!"
"It looked pretty innocuous in the Twitters video my daughter showed me — I have no idea how to do the Interwebs — but apparently that promotional beach ball pushed Cabello's microphone into her face and caused her to lose part of her tooth," Lanceley said.
"Beach balls really are a menace, aren't they?" Hartley said, shaking his head.
"Well, not really. I mean, that one was; it was like a missile to her face," Lanceley said. "But custom beach balls from Pinnacle Promotions are a great marketing tool, and perfect for advertising at outdoor events. Whether you use them as a giveaway or a way to draw a large crowd, these products are a cost-effective and fun method of spreading the word about your business and your brand. Customization of these inflatable, portable promotional beach balls is easy."
"You're right. I mean, nobody can keep their hands off those balls," Hartley said.
"Indeed," Lanceley said. "Perhaps if that fan had thrown one of Pinnacle Promotions' Beachy Beach Balls, or the Luster Tone Promotional Beach Balls — which have alternating silver and translucent panels that come in red, blue, or orange — Cabello would've seen it coming and caught it with her hands, instead of her face."
"A truly disturbing and upsetting story. Thanks, Lance. And now: Why was a puppy driving the crosstown bus? More at 11."