Hark — a young lady whose car has broken down on the side of the road! This looks like a job for … Rescue Man! Yes, this is my superhero alter ego. No, I could not think of a better name. Just go with it, please.
Young lady, I see you are a damsel in distress, and I am here to help you! Please step aside, and I shall solve your problems, post-haste, and — wait, no? Really? You don’t want my help? Please, do not let pride get in the way of me saving the day. I am a top-notch superhero. Where’s my cape? It’s at the drycleaners. Anyway. Allow me to rescue you. Still no? How come?
You have custom promotional emergency and roadside assistance products from Pinnacle Promotions? Like the customized safety digital tire gauge tool, which is a four-in-one safety tool that includes a digital tire gauge, as well as a window glass breaker, seat belt cutter and LED flashlight? Well, that’s certainly handy. And it’s printed with the logo of a company, which means you’ll think of that business and its brand every time you’re in a jam. That’s smart marketing.
But … but … it’s no substitute for a man! Oh, but you also have a promotional Roadside Safety Kit, which includes 10-gauge jumper cables, two bungee cords, gloves, a flashlight, a rain poncho, a tire gauge, a strobe light, and a safety flag, all in a reflective silver bag. Well, that’s actually pretty impressive. All I brought were my bare hands. Yes, they’re very smooth. Thank you. I moisturize nightly.
Now that you mention it, maybe I am a bit ill-prepared. Also, I’m feeling kind of cold. These tights aren’t quite thick enough. I should’ve worn pants. Oh, thank you for this blanket. It appears to be a custom Emergency Blanket, made of lightweight thermal material, and printed with a company logo. And I can wrap my legs in the Mylar blanket that came in your promotional Leed’s Highway Companion Set, which has 12 pieces and also includes 300-amp jumper cables, a warning triangle, a gas siphon, two bungee cords, two glow sticks, a pair of gloves with rubber grips, a flashlight, a tire gauge, and a carrying case with organizational pockets for securing the contents.
Well, I suppose this isn’t a job for Rescue Man. I’ll have to find someone else to save. In the meantime, can you give me a lift? My car broke down about a block from here.